Who follows a leader who makes promises and doesn't keep them? No one, at least not for very long.
In his first week of office, President Obama has kept three of his campaign promises. How many past US Presidents can boast that? How many of your organizations' past or current leaders can list that on their resumes? Every employee wants a leader that they can trust to lead them through the jungle, someone they can count on to tell them the truth and say, "I don't know but I'll find out." Sometimes leaders have to make decisions that are not popular with their employees but if the leader has a successful track record of leading his/her troops through to see the light of day then his/her troops will follow.
The truth is what we all want to hear. Lately there has not been a lot of truth being said in the world of banking and finance and those industries are paying dearly not to mention you and I. So, tell the truth dear leaders. Share your success with the entire team. Keep your promises and if you have to break a promise tell your "troops" why. They just want to be kept in the loop. I promise that you do they will follow.
Here's an opportunity to get help and guidance on achieving your dreams and goals: a free one-hour coaching consultation. Whether it be help with finding the job or career that's your calling, creating and delivering powerful presentations or how to manage and lead others, you'll get the results that you want and need. Learn how I can help you and email or call (+1 646-265-5009) me to register for a free one-hour coaching session.
Some areas for coaching are listed below:
Life and Career Change
Getting Beyond Resistance
Leading Difficult People Through Difficult Times
Balanced Mind, Body, Spirit
Getting in Physical Condition
Staying Committed
Goal Setting
Group Coaching
Small Business Start Up, Growth and Development
Stress Management
Releasing the Artist Within
Presentation Skills Coaching
Influencing and Negotiating
Procrastinating
Starting an exercise plan
Creating a financial spending planLooking forward to hearing from you.
Are you a self-actualized and mature adult professional? If not, you may want to stop reading. This is a post about one question that every parent and manager needs to ask themselves: what are my intentions?
If your child comes home with a less than satisfactory report card, is it your intention to shame and blame them or to coach and develop them? You probably answered, coach and develop. If so, then what did you say to them when they sheepishly revealed their grades? Did you react with frustration by saying, how the heck did you manage these grades! Or, did you study?! Do these statements represent care, coaching and development or shame and blame?
Take the above scenario to the office when it comes time for employee performance appraisal. Your employee who has been under performing is sitting across the desk from you as you peer down at his dossier. Your goal is to get his production levels up so, aptly you say, what are we going to do about this? Are your intentions to develop or to enhance your own ego by shaming and blaming? This is where self-actualization, maturity and professionalism come to play. If your ego is at peace and you are confident within yourself then shaming and blaming will not become a component of your conversation.
Parents, managers and leaders must lead by example - a really great example. So, before any interaction I always ask myself, "What are my intentions? Am I here to help and guide this person or do I want to humiliate, embarrass, or shame?" If, my goal is to coach and develop an employee who reports to me, I would ask a lot of questions when it comes time for his performance review. "What is your understanding of our performance agreement? Did I give you all the help that you asked for. Did I help you in the way that you needed? Are their circumstances here or at home that are preventing you from reaching your performance goals?" Of course, if your intention is to develop this employee, as that should be your objective and it is your job as a manager, then your language and tone will be one that reflects caring, understanding and helpfulness.
With the one-hundred plus management models available out there in the learning and development world none of them will be effective if you are not fully aware and honest about your intentions. To do this on a consistent basis takes maturity, discipline and knowledge of our true intentions.
Nothing kills a speech, puts me to sleep or causes me to lose confidence in the speaker more than an exorbitant amount of filler words. You know what I'm talking about, I think, okay, what I meant is, uh, right, hum...
During President-Elect Barack Obama's press conference last Monday when he announced his foreign policy team he said "uh" or a version thereof 192 times within a fifteen minute time span. At approximately twenty-eight minutes into the press conference when he opened the floor to reporter's questions, the President-Elect paused more times (and not quietly) then a tractor trailer waiting to get through the tolls of the NJ Turnpike at rush hour. I dare you to listen to the speech and count all the "uh's, um's and umm's as I did and not be put to sleep. Just who is this alien speaker who has inhabited the once elegant Barack Obama?
B.O. what happened?! I sat glued to my television set last summer when you gave your incredibly direct and poignant speech in Philadelphia on race. You spoke with ease, charm and intelligence at the Democratic Convention in Denver. And I cried along side my wife when the election was 'called' and you were declared the winner. Even during the debates you kept your use of listless and irritating language to an absolute minimum and we all thanked your for it - even the Republicans.
As someone who coaches and instructs others on presentations skills and speeches I always have an eye and ear out for what makes a successful speech and what does not. When I ask clients what areas they would like to improve upon they answer that both controlling their nerves and reducing or eliminating their filler words or their top priorities. I have exercises for both and use a high tech behavioral tool called a rubber band that the client wears on his/her wrist. Each time they use a filler word they snap the rubber band that smarts. After a dozen or so snaps of the band they hesitate before using "uh" or "hum" or "like" or "you know".
Filler words, of which I am guilty of using from time-to-time are gap fillers. They give the speaker time to think. However, silence is much more powerful and effective than saying "hummm" when one is lost for words or deciding just how much information they would like to divulge or how much truth they want to share, as I believe was the case with our President-Elect. I've queried audiences after they've sat through presentations, speeches and keynote addresses and asked what they liked or disliked about the presenter/speaker and what they thought needed improvement. On the plus side: 'the presenter was engaging, new her material, and kept things moving. On the improvement needed side: 'talks to slow and says "hum" and "uh" a lot.'
Besides Mr. Obama's filler words, the tone of his speech was different than any he used while campaigning. This is where knowing your audiences is so important. The subject matter was very important and serious last Monday and the President-Elect did seem convey that through is body language and tone. (The Secretary of State and the Nation's security are extremely important topics.) I also heard something in Mr. Obama's tone besides serious and important. Through his tone of voice it sounded something like, 'I'm the boss and the buck stops here.' (He did say at one point "the buck stops here.") It sounded akin to who is currently in the White House.
Now, please don't end me angry emails in defense of Mr. Obama. I'm thrilled that he and his family will be moving to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I even applied for a position with his administration and maybe he'll consider me as his presentation coach. And I do look forward to the President-Elect implementing is plan of change and getting us out of the terrible messes that we are in both domestically and internationally. I also hope that he'll pick up the rubber band and put an end to the use of those speech killing filler words.
You can view a comprehensive list of filler words compiled at Wordie. See if your favorite makes the list.
It's day one without television and I was going to write about all the withdrawl symptoms I'm experiencing and how I found an unending source of entertainment dealers and pushers who offer free t.v. and movies over the Internet providing countless hours of electronic feeds to the hungry monkey on my back. But instead, I once again was reminded today of just how good I have it, as do many others in the developed USA and that the luxury of t.v. is just that, a luxury and a not all an important one to boot.
I broke down this morning and wept while reading The New York Times reporter, Nicholas D. Kristof's article Terrorism That's Personal over the acid attacks on women in Pakistan and others areas of Asia. Want to put things in perspective? Read the article. Want to know how insane and fearful we really are? Read about the senseless trampling of and subsequent death of the temporary Wal-Mart worker on Long Island on Friday. And of course, the large scale systematic Mumbai murders this past week will have you scratching your head in amazement.
"Fearful" You say? Yes, it's all fear based. Why would anyone take to the horrific act of intentionally disfiguring his wife by pouring acid on her face after the couple divorced? Why would a group of male, motorcycling marauders dowse teenage girls with the same acid on their way to school just because they wanted to get an education? Fear. I imagine the thinking goes something like this: 'if women get educated then they'll be empowered and if they get empowered than us men will be less than the women and that can't happen because then the women will be in charge and before you know it they'll want us to stay at home and cook and clean and do whatever else they tell us to do.'
Fear drives all anger and acts of hate. From the insidious rumor mongering about a co-worker to the extreme and abhorrent operations in Mumbai. The anger that many of my business clients relay to me about being passed-over at promotion or bonus time comes from fear and it goes like this: 'That bastard got the promotion and I didn't. (Subtext: 'I'm less-than, no good, not smart enough, or appreciated enough. Soon, they'll fire me and I'll be without a job and then I'll lose my home and end up living on the street and then I'll die of tuberculosis or meet some other unthinkable fate.')
Fear is disguised in many forms and I myself am not immune to it. Let's all just stop and take a breath when frustration starts to boil over to anger. Frustration is inevitable but anger is avoidable. Just be aware. "Why am I angry? Is it because I am afraid that if "they" get more than their fair share I'll be left with less?" Take pause good people, at home, at work, at the mall and especially at the Post Office. Ask yourself, "Is it that important to be right?" Yours and my anger will not fix nor correct any problems, it will only exacerbate them. It not only poisonous to your nervous system, it also takes years off of your life and of the those around you.
This evening instead of watching endless t.v. shows all about nothing, I will be huddled on the sofa, with a roof over my head, reading a book with the knowing that I truly have it so good and prayers and hopes for a calmer less angry world. If you're experiencing unspent anger consider channeling it to the Progressive Women’s Association who helps the "acid" victims and advocates for women's rights violations. Another progressive organization that "addresses the unique needs of women in conflict and post-conflict environments" is one that my wife and I are actively involved, Women For Women International.
One thing is for sure, I'm glad that I am a Happiest.
We threw out our TV set today. More specifically, I threw out our TV today. No more TV. We quit and so far it feels really good.
After watching endless hours of mindless TV yesterday I got up, unplugged the set and gave it to a neighbor. It's best to just rip off the adhesive bandage quickly so it doesn't smart as much. Most of what we watch can be viewed on the Internet and the other shows we'll have to do with out. I admit that I'll miss watching Judi Dench and Geoffrey Palmer every Friday and Saturday night in the reruns of As Time Goes By. And I'll miss having another "instrument of avoidance" as I call them, a tool to which one uses to avoid doing something productive. The Internet, drinking coffee and sleeping are other instruments of avoidance and are readily accessible. Of course, I was looking forward to watching Penn State play in the Rose Bowl on New Year's Day but I'll have to settle for Internet video highlights.
There are a lot of books on my shelves that will finally get read and I will complete more writing of my own. Still, I know that there are challenges ahead. As Homer Simpson keenly put it when he and his brood were sitting on the family sofa in front of a blank screen, "Quick! Turn something on, I'm starting to think!"
is the real deal and hours after eating it my stomach is still full.